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Have you struggled to get validation from people who you hold in high esteem just to be sure what you are doing makes sense?
Relax, I was once knee deep in that zone, been there, done that. Infact, at a point in my life for those who remember, I was regularly sending out questions about myself because I wasn’t sure from the inside if what I was doing made any sense. On many occasions I’ve had to start projects and abandon them because I didn’t get the expected external validation.
Now don’t get me wrong, everyone needs accountability partners that will put you in check in case you are erring and help become better, but when it’s becoming a case of being unable to forge ahead without these validations, then it becomes a problem.
One major sign that you are in this category is if you constantly ask yourself AM I WRONG?
Some 5-6 years ago, it really mattered what people thought of me regardless of whatever conviction I had of myself and guess what? I was living below my full potentials, and I also gave power to the wrong people to manipulate me for their selfish gains. At that point any form of emotional blackmail would get at me. I was always playing safe, unwilling to take risk because I was always over analyzing.
How did I overcome?
1. Daily positive confessions
2. Daily self validations
3. Understanding my uniqueness and personality (Strengths & weaknesses)
4. Starving my fears & feeding my focus.
The twist of the plot was, after a while, I discovered the same folks I was always scared and mindful of offending were now commending the new me! I remember blocking my Dad from seeing my Instagram graphics for fear of being condemned of some sort, as at the moment I’m writing this post, he’s one of my clients now and it feels almost unbelievable.
Bottom line is, nobody is going to look out for you if you refuse to do so for yourself.
Don’t get discouraged because it feels like no one is applauding you right now, or you are uncertain if you are doing the right thing, on the right career path. All you need is to get that internal validation, that conviction from the inside and that comes from the place of self discovery.
Truth is, they are secretly admiring your progress and won’t wait to commend you when the results starts rolling in.
I’ll close with the lyrics from a song by my All time Favorite Female singer
Whitney Houston- Greatest Love
“… So I learnt to depend on me
I decided long ago
Never to work in any man’s shadow
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I’ll live as I believed
No matter what they take from me
They can’t take away my dignity”
Your Friend.
John Fadejola
+2347052760499
Amazing write up. We have all been there. People need to know who they irrespective of what people say.
Exactly… Once your interval validation is strong, external validation becomes nothing but a bonus.
Great write up. Most times we care so much about what people will say or think, if these validations are coming from the wrong people it ruins whatever idea one has. Personal conviction is important.
Nice one👍.