Dear Adebola

Adebola… It’s been a year and 9 months since you came into our lives and left before we could even get to give you the befitting welcome you deserved.

Over this weekend, my wife and I had a conversation where she poured out her mind as to how I didn’t grief you enough and she feared I might explode one of these days (Lol) but then how can I when I have to be strong for her. Anyways, I trust you are doing great with the heavens. I have a few things I want to let out of my mind including recounting the events around the time you spent with us maybe I’ll finally get to heal.

When your mum gave me the news of missing her period, I was so confident we were about to become parents and I told her (Lol) but she shrugged it off, little did she know that you were already there.

Fast forward to some months down the line, our bond became more robust and interesting. I remember whenever I come back from work and you hear my voice, you\’d kick so hard till I came to sing you a lullaby, or whenever your mum was lazing around the house and didn\’t want to eat breakfast, you would kick so hard that she would rush to make somethin to eat.

I’ve always pictured how your first reaction would be when you finally see your daddy that sings off-key to you every now and then, how you’ll smile when I make those prophetic declarations over you, and how you’ll snuggle and enjoy the warmth of my bosom while mama takes a nap. I always imagined what you\’d look like and each day as you grew and the day of your delivery drew closer, the desire became even stronger. Moments when I kissed you whenever I was leaving for work and coming back to do the same were the best parts of my days back then. I always looked forward as it gave me a sense of connection.

When grandma\’s call came in that evening of Thursday, January 20, 2022, saying your mum had gone into labor, I was dumbfounded, one side of me was scared, however, the other part of me was so excited that we were finally going to see each other. When it dawned on me that you had come about 2 months early, I was quickly drawn into deep worry. To affirm my fears, grandma called back about 15 minutes later that you were here! All sorts of emotions ran through my veins, I couldn\’t exactly place how I was feeling at the time, I just knew I wanted to see you.

Minutes later, I raced into Gbagada General without any money on me, all that was on my mind was I just wanted to see my baby. Walking into the pediatric ward, there you were, looking so beautiful and portable just like your mum. And for a minute my worry went away until Nigeria happened. The doctors broke the news to me that your chances of survival were slim, and I just didn\’t get it. How on earth would a 28 weeks old baby not have a chance of surviving? Then came the numerous drug errands that seemed like it wasn\’t going to end.

On every trip, as tired as I was, what kept me going was your pretty little face and how it would all make sense after. I ran from one end of Gbagada General Hospital to the other, and I even had to get some drugs from outside the hospital that night. I knew there was a problem when the doctor began to say all sorts, and I kept emphasizing your name to them (Her name is Adebola) but that didn\’t matter to these set of amateurs in scrubs.

I stood with them and ensured they did their job despite the fact that they were biased due to the fact that you were delivered at home by an auxiliary nurse who did an amazing job by the way, this biased behavior reflected strongly in how they took care of you as it felt like they were trying to prove a point. I saw this and I was determined to fight till the end. However, about 2 hrs. down the line, your mum became hungry and I had to go get her something to eat and that was a mistake I haven\’t forgiven myself for entirely. I shouldn\’t have left you alone with them Adebola, I shouldn\’t have.

I got back and the lead doctor was nowhere near you, as a matter of fact, he wasn\’t in the building and I saw the junior doctors and nurse trying to revive you. It didn\’t make sense but I couldn\’t place what was wrong. After about 30 minutes of a show of cluelessness of these people that looked like doctors in training, I saw they had lost control of the situation that looked like they had given a wrong medication which led to your demise. The lead doctor would come back about 2 hours after you had passed to official break the news. My heart was shattered into a million pieces and I didn\’t know what to do. There was your mum who was yet to regain her strength, I couldn\’t tell them (she and her mum) and I had to lie to them that you were asleep. I went to the front of Deeper Life Bible Church headquarters being a child of the ministry myself and cried my eyes out. I prayed, I begged but heaven was quiet. Your mum was being attended to and we had to stay the night in the cold compound of Gbagada General Hospital before leaving very early the next morning. The news was broken to your mum at her aunt’s house which was where the whole emotional breakdown happened again.

Getting to the hospital the following morning saw me go through some horrific treatment no man/woman should ever have to go through after losing a child. The hospital attendants couldn\’t even give you a befitting rest, as they were interested in the money that was in it for them, when it dawned on them that I was a broke guy, I was subjected to most horrible inhuman treatment anyone would give a grieving father. Ah! Gbagada General Hospital really outdid themselves on this one. Starting from the nurses calling me harshly that morning to come \’pack\’ you up, to the way they blasted me like I was a doctor that lost baby on their watch or it was my fault that there wasn’t enough medical personnel or facility to take care of my baby girl, I summoned courage and went to carry you gently, it was at that point I saw the blood stain that was carefully wrapped from my view the previous night. I knew something was not right but at that point I was already exhausted and I couldn\’t push for another inquiry into where the blood came from. The harsh treatment continued with lots of derogatory side comments coming from the side nurses and hospital staff, thereafter I went to the morgue only to get a death certificate only to be given another shock of my life when I asked how you would be buried. I had to beg for close to 2 hrs at the morgue to allow my baby girl rest and they wouldn\’t even bulge. I carried you in my hands for about 2 hours confused and disoriented, I could swear I lost my sense of reasoning for a bit at that point before someone pointed me to where I got polythene bag to carry you, I stood close to the morgue in the Sun until i finally met a good samaritan who offered to help, the help however came with conditions of payment which I had to send what was left in my account. Did I mention that every medical supply bought was not used and they didn\’t allow me take them back to the pharmacy? Girl! It was crazy!!!

It\’s been over a year and 9 months and your mum and I have had our fair share of Nigeria and it\’s numerous failures. Because of your mum\’s absent from work, her boss almost had her fired (well he finally did 2 months later) her colleagues made good use of her absence to push their financial misappropriation to her profile and with their partner company\’s wack system, she took the fall. 2022 was not the best year for your mum and I at all, we both experienced the failure of the Nigerian state first hand.
Your big sister speaks fluently now, and your baby brother came after almost a year. The devil tried to strike again, but God was faithful to his word, he came out a solid 3.5kg and despite the odds against him, he’s a fighter and God has been his backing. He is doing great now and his energy is unmatched. Your mum has recovered sort of and so have I (I had to do this my way as everyone was always asking after your mum). I\’m sure you\’ve met your Uncles (Taiyelolu and ID Noble) and your grandpa (Pa John Fadesola Adedeji) let them know they are greatly missed.

Finally, Adebola mi owon, I want to apologize for failing you, I apologize on behalf of your mother, and on behalf of Nigeria. I apologize for being broke and unable to have you birthed in a more equipped facility. I won\’t commit that crime again with God\’s help. Mummy misses you badly, and I\’ve seen her write a few times about you, daddy miss you even more even though I’m a bit unexpressive about.

My dear angel If you can, please come back, and if you can’t don’t forget to keep watch over your own Angel Adebola.

Sleep well my baby girl.

Xoxo😘

Your Papa❤️

-JF