Author name: John Fadejola

Adebola… It’s been a year and 9 months since you came into our lives and left before we could even get to give you the befitting welcome you deserved. Over this weekend, my wife and I had a conversation where she poured out her mind as to how I didn’t grief you enough and she feared I might explode one of these days (Lol) but then how can I when I have to be strong for her. Anyways, I trust you are doing great with the heavens. I have a few things I want to let out of my mind including recounting the events around the time you spent with us maybe I’ll finally get to heal. When your mum gave me the news of missing her period, I was so confident we were about to become parents and I told her (Lol) but she shrugged it off, little did she know that you were already there. Fast forward to some months down the line, our bond became more robust and interesting. I remember whenever I come back from work and you hear my voice, you\’d kick so hard till I came to sing you a lullaby, or whenever your mum was lazing around the house and didn\’t want to eat breakfast, you would kick so hard that she would rush to make somethin to eat. I’ve always pictured how your first reaction would be when you finally see your daddy that sings off-key to you every now and then, how you’ll smile when I make those prophetic declarations over you, and how you’ll snuggle and enjoy the warmth of my bosom while mama takes a nap. I always imagined what you\’d look like and each day as you grew and the day of your delivery drew closer, the desire became even stronger. Moments when I kissed you whenever I was leaving for work and coming back to do the same were the best parts of my days back then. I always looked forward as it gave me a sense of connection. When grandma\’s call came in that evening of Thursday, January 20, 2022, saying your mum had gone into labor, I was dumbfounded, one side of me was scared, however, the other part of me was so excited that we were finally going to see each other. When it dawned on me that you had come about 2 months early, I was quickly drawn into deep worry. To affirm my fears, grandma called back about 15 minutes later that you were here! All sorts of emotions ran through my veins, I couldn\’t exactly place how I was feeling at the time, I just knew I wanted to see you. Minutes later, I raced into Gbagada General without any money on me, all that was on my mind was I just wanted to see my baby. Walking into the pediatric ward, there you were, looking so beautiful and portable just like your mum. And for a minute my worry went away until Nigeria happened. The doctors broke the news to me that your chances of survival were slim, and I just didn\’t get it. How on earth would a 28 weeks old baby not have a chance of surviving? Then came the numerous drug errands that seemed like it wasn\’t going to end. On every trip, as tired as I was, what kept me going was your pretty little face and how it would all make sense after. I ran from one end of Gbagada General Hospital to the other, and I even had to get some drugs from outside the hospital that night. I knew there was a problem when the doctor began to say all sorts, and I kept emphasizing your name to them (Her name is Adebola) but that didn\’t matter to these set of amateurs in scrubs. I stood with them and ensured they did their job despite the fact that they were biased due to the fact that you were delivered at home by an auxiliary nurse who did an amazing job by the way, this biased behavior reflected strongly in how they took care of you as it felt like they were trying to prove a point. I saw this and I was determined to fight till the end. However, about 2 hrs. down the line, your mum became hungry and I had to go get her something to eat and that was a mistake I haven\’t forgiven myself for entirely. I shouldn\’t have left you alone with them Adebola, I shouldn\’t have. I got back and the lead doctor was nowhere near you, as a matter of fact, he wasn\’t in the building and I saw the junior doctors and nurse trying to revive you. It didn\’t make sense but I couldn\’t place what was wrong. After about 30 minutes of a show of cluelessness of these people that looked like doctors in training, I saw they had lost control of the situation that looked like they had given a wrong medication which led to your demise. The lead doctor would come back about 2 hours after you had passed to official break the news. My heart was shattered into a million pieces and I didn\’t know what to do. There was your mum who was yet to regain her strength, I couldn\’t tell them (she and her mum) and I had to lie to them that you were asleep. I went to the front of Deeper Life Bible Church headquarters being a child of the ministry myself and cried my eyes out. I prayed, I begged but heaven was quiet. Your mum was being attended to and we had to stay the night in the cold compound of Gbagada General Hospital before leaving very early the next morning. The news was broken to your mum at her aunt’s house which was where the whole emotional breakdown happened again. Getting to the hospital the following morning saw me go through some horrific

It\’s pretty funny how long it\’s taken me to be able to put a few words together as to describing how amazing you are, this is because words fail me to describe what an enigma of fatherhood you are. You are a rare kind of father anyone would pray for, a true shepherd that goes out of his way to make sure your sheep don\’t suffer. I remember as a child, your instructions, words of wisdom, your wise counsel, words of encouragement when I\’m down, reproof and scolding, though they don\’t seem to be always go well with me, they have come to help me become a better version of myself as I grow older and I\’m still learning as you won\’t stop dishing out those counsel. Your love is genuine, unconditional and unfailing, and even times when I mess up, you stretch out your arm to reprimand and embrace afterwards. I remember those days when I was falling sick, the way you\’ll take care of me, pamper me and all. Sometimes when I pass by those hospitals, those bitter sweet memories come rushing back. I can\’t remember you flogging me categorically but mhen! Your punishments were invented. 😂 The only time I can vividly remember you hitting me was because I wasn\’t being leader enough as I should be. What a father! Your large heart has earned you the \”Daddy\” title in many homes, as you are always open to rendering help both spiritually , emotionally and financially as the case may be. I don\’t recall anyone coming to you for help and getting turned down, even when you don\’t have the capacity the moment, you find a way to help and even when you are much better later you still render help. Sometimes I just sit down and wonder, what manner of love is this that this man exhibits. We don\’t agree on a lot of things as I always say you are old school, but then you won\’t let go until I\’ve done the right thing, and even when I\’m being a child, you\’ll just remain calm and make your point nonetheless. I remember sometimes ago being angry about you being taken for granted when your car was messed up and I decided to take some actions, you called me and asked… \”ARE YOU A CHRISTIAN?\” I was just weak. One of my big cousins looked at you one day and said, \”Daddy is a man of God oo\” Not because of your Bible study prowess, or your fire brand prayer and deliverance sessions or because you head a ministry, but because of the exemplary life of humility and love you exhibit daily. I remember coming to your office one day and seeing two bottles of soft drink and requested for one, your question got me confused like… \”What do you want to use it for\” It\’s a soft drink, what else am I supposed to want it for? That\’s how much you like to joke and play around with us. I am lost for words to describe how amazing a father you are, all I can say at this time is that; Dear Daddy, I am privileged to be called your son. JF

Have you struggled to get validation from people who you hold in high esteem just to be sure what you are doing makes sense? Relax, I was once knee deep in that zone, been there, done that. Infact, at a point in my life for those who remember, I was regularly sending out questions about myself because I wasn’t sure from the inside if what I was doing made any sense. On many occasions I’ve had to start projects and abandon them because I didn’t get the expected external validation. Now don’t get me wrong, everyone needs accountability partners that will put you in check in case you are erring and help become better, but when it’s becoming a case of being unable to forge ahead without these validations, then it becomes a problem. One major sign that you are in this category is if you constantly ask yourself AM I WRONG? Some 5-6 years ago, it really mattered what people thought of me regardless of whatever conviction I had of myself and guess what? I was living below my full potentials, and I also gave power to the wrong people to manipulate me for their selfish gains. At that point any form of emotional blackmail would get at me. I was always playing safe, unwilling to take risk because I was always over analyzing. How did I overcome?1. Daily positive confessions2. Daily self validations3. Understanding my uniqueness and personality (Strengths & weaknesses)4. Starving my fears & feeding my focus. The twist of the plot was, after a while, I discovered the same folks I was always scared and mindful of offending were now commending the new me! I remember blocking my Dad from seeing my Instagram graphics for fear of being condemned of some sort, as at the moment I’m writing this post, he’s one of my clients now and it feels almost unbelievable. Bottom line is, nobody is going to look out for you if you refuse to do so for yourself. Don’t get discouraged because it feels like no one is applauding you right now, or you are uncertain if you are doing the right thing, on the right career path. All you need is to get that internal validation, that conviction from the inside and that comes from the place of self discovery.Truth is, they are secretly admiring your progress and won’t wait to commend you when the results starts rolling in. I’ll close with the lyrics from a song by my All time Favorite Female singer Whitney Houston- Greatest Love“… So I learnt to depend on meI decided long agoNever to work in any man’s shadowIf I fail, if I succeedAt least I’ll live as I believedNo matter what they take from meThey can’t take away my dignity” Your Friend.John Fadejola+2347052760499

The past few weeks have been somewhat kind of mixed feelings for me, had to deal with some personal issues, faced my fears head on, wish I could turn back the hands to time to undo the hurts I caused. But in all, it\’s been a flood of happy-sad emotions. Love, they say makes the world a better place. Asides this saying, I\’ve heard a few love quotes in my over 3 decades of being around, but a few struck me which is what I\’m gonna be talking about today. They include: – Love is all that matters – Love conquers all – Love doesn\’t ask why Inasmuch as the afore mentioned statements carry some truth however, I beg to differ at some point. I believe strongly that every relationship whether work, business, educational or romantic as the case may be, requires work. Without a serious commitment to a relationship to make it work, it won\’t last. That being said, let me talk about what inspired this post. P.s I was supposed to do this post around Valentine\’s day but couldn\’t for reasons stated earlier. I\’ve come to realize (in a very painful way) that being with someone in a romantic relationship takes more than just love. A whole lot other factors have to be considered, like social acceptability, values & compatibility (Spiritually, health-wise & purpose). Let me cite and example; There\’s this lady I fell in love with at some point in my life, without considering other factors, she was the perfect fit, we had dreams aligning, it was fun hanging around her, played together, prayed together, created beautiful memories together. But guess what? We couldn\’t be together! Why?… First off, when we got down to seeing beneath the beautiful of each other, extra work was needed, she\’s older, (Not Enough to be my mom though Lol) single mum, getting over ex\’s, and we started having issues over things that weren\’t much of a big deal when we started out.I really wanted to go ahead nonetheless disregarding, but then… Bird and the fish can indeed fall in love, as they say… \” LOVE IS FOUND IN STRANGE PLACES\” But can they be together? After series of experiences directly and indirectly, I can boldly tell you that… … LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!!! John Fadejola +2347052760499 jayfayd@gmail.com

Building on the last post about self love, we are continuing in our love and relationship series and the question for today is; WILL YOU MARRY YOU? Funny question right? But frankly, it\’s a question people need to ask themselves before deciding to get married. For most of my formative years, I was obsessed with finding \”THE RIGHT ONE\” what I didn\’t realise was that I needed to be the \”Right One\” myself to get what I was looking for. The principle is pretty simple with every relationship in life. Look at the person in the mirror, can you marry that person if you were to be fair and unbiased with your answer. If you can\’t categorically answer yes, then you have no business looking for the right one, as you\’ll only end up a liability and not a blessing to such. One major reason why are having increasing rate of heartbreaks and divorce today is because we have a lot of \”Half-Baked\” individuals who are not willing to work on themselves to get better but rather they want someone who\’s their ideal man or woman with the right qualities to accept them for who they are. We often times hide behind this phrase of \”If you love me, you\’ll accept me with my flaws\” I\’m not judging niether am I saying you should change for anybody or change who you are for someone. My position is pretty simple, constantly strive become a better version of yourself daily. If you need to shed or add some weight, please do, if you need to get a stable source of income please do, if you need to get more certifications to better your career please do, if you need to work on your personalty like me on a regular, by all means be my guest. Just become better. When you get to that point where you become self aware of how far you\’ve come close to being the \”Ideal Man or Woman of your dreams\” and it suddenly hits you how much of a blessing you\’ll be to whoever you end up with or have business dealings with as the case may be, then maybe, just maybe you are one step away from your Love & Relationship goal of finding \”THE RIGHT ONE\” Feel free to comment and share thoughts on this. Also do well to share links with friends and family, together we can make the world a better place. Cheers…John Fadejola.

So today is my birthday and I decided to take a look back at my life so far (I do that almost everyday though) all I see is nothing but lessons of varying degrees and forms. But because this month of February which is my birth month doubles as the \”Month of Love\” I\’ll be talking about a few lessons I picked or rather learnt along the way in my pursuit of happiness. Trust me, I\’ve had my fair share. So I\’ll be talking about a very vital issue that forms the basis of all emotional issues we have as humans. SELF LOVE Self love simply means to love oneself. But the question is, do you really love yourself as much as you should? Lack of self love has caused a lot of harm to people, both physically and emotionally. It has caused people to stay in abusive and unhealthy \”Situationships\”. Some even go as far as taking desperate decisions just to get that validation so bad from so called \’Loved ones\’. I was in that position once, I learnt the hard way as I was seriously taken for granted and manipulated. It was easy to manipulate me emotionally as long as you can sell it to me why it would be absolutely beautiful for me to act in a certain way you want me to act. But guess what? I got out! Yea you heard me, it wasn\’t easy but I did. Here\’s how: I started to appreciate the man I see in the mirror every morning. I fell in love with myself, I stopped depending on people\’s opinion of me, but instead I started to follow my heart and use my head. I gave myself room for improvement and learning (I\’m still a work in progress though). I started to starve my fears, weaknesses and distractions and started feeding my strengths, focus and goals. I became more self aware and gradually started growing my strength emotionally. All of a sudden the \”Loved ones\” I would die for to hear their validation didn\’t mean much any more, as whatever they had to say was now placed on a balanced scale to see where the intent was coming from and what exactly was the motive. By this I became stronger and gradually started getting off the grip of emotional blackmail and manipulation. Sometimes I just play along just to make them feel they are still in charge just like old times, the reason is just so I\’ll see them for who they really are. Then I started appreciating genuine love from real people cuz I could tell the difference. I\’ll close with this… \”If you don\’t love you, why should I love you?\”- Myles Munroe. Appreciate that man/lady in the mirror today, and watch your life take a positive turn around. Be the change you strongly desire. Cheers… Say a word of prayer for me, it\’s my birthday. John Fadejola. N.B Still accepting gifts in cash and in kind.